“Better Butter!” Magical Skin Potions Now Available For Sale

Back during the brutal winter of 2007, my heterosexual lady friend and I lived together in New York, battling arid death-desert, heated indoor air together.  I didn’t have a job then, and couldn’t afford to start up my car and use gasoline too often, so I stayed indoors a lot.  Really, I was a prisoner of sorts.

…a prisoner in arid death-desert, heated indoor air.

Death Valley, a.k.a. Fairport, N.Y.

After a while, my dry skin recoiled so much from the extraterrestrial conditions that it began to revolt.  Cracks appeared along every crease in my hands and feet and then they began to bleed.  Things were worse than just getting ugly — they were friggin painful, and my friend didn’t fare much better.

We tried every cheap solution available in bulk sizes – aloe, baby oil, Vaseline, baby lotion.  Nothing helped.  It’s a wonder our outsides didn’t die of thirst that winter!

I think back now on that time and wish I could send back to my former, broker, younger self a crap-load of this amazing hard lotion and “lip lotion” I have now that the same friend I lived with formulated recently.  IT’S AMAZIBALLS.  (And yes, that is the proper spelling of “amaziballs”, I’m sorry if you can’t accept that.)

When my friend gave this to me as a birthday gift after my poor hands, feet and lips had just gotten through a similarly terrible Chicago winter, it changed me back to looking human again overnight.  Like I said, AMAZIBALLS!


Better Butter!  Hard Lotion
Most Amazing Body Butter Ever.


Better Butter! Lip Lotion
Best Feeling Lip Stuff Ever.


For a limited time, the last of her latest batch are available on E-Bay for sale!


I don’t know if there will be more available after this, but I’m pretty freakin sure it’s not gonna be a balmy 75°F all season, either.  If your hands run away screaming from you this winter, well, they’re in your hands now!