I’m currently in Langkawi, Malaysia, due to hop aboard the Candela December 9th after some delays. We’re sailing for Phuket, Thailand, and should arrive around Christmas day… and I have no idea where I’ll stay yet!
I feel like you’ve all been traveling with me on these adventures from Ireland to England to Ireland again and Malaysia.
Yet, if you were actually with me, you’d be influencing my travel and accommodations decisions. You’d probably be fucking things up and also bringing in wondrous new sights and stories I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. So, let’s give you those capabilities!
I’m hoping to be in Phuket for a few days before a flight out to Taiwan, but that’s up to when we eventually arrive. I should have at least 1 night on land before the flight, though, and you get to pick where I stay! I don’t like handouts, but I’m not above becoming entertainment fodder. So I’ve decided you can vote with your gift of USD — 1 U.S. Muhrican Dollah = 1 Vote. The hotel/hostel/brothel/lean-to with the most votes/dollars at the end of the voting period will be where I book a room, and I’ll give a full-run down of what you put me through afterwards. Vote with as many voting dollars as you wish! Go nuts! Bonus for me: I get to find out if my friends are predominantly loving souls interested in my well-being or complete cocksuckers.
I fear the outcome.
There will be 3 set possibilities to start with, but feel free to nominate an option not on the list with your money dollars.
Option 1: THE CHEAP ~$4
iHostel Phuket, 100/395 Srisuchart Grandvill, Rasada, Muang, Phuket, 83000 Phuket Town, Thailand
Cheapest hostel available with decent reviews. This is along the lines of what I would choose if we weren’t playing this game.
Option 2: THE RITZY, GLITZY, TOURISTY *5 STAR* $166
Metadee Resort and Villas, 66 Kata Road, T.Karon A.Muang Phuket, 83110 Kata Beach, Thailand
This one is on sale and only has 3 rooms left, so even if it wins, I may have to find a similar substitute, but this is about what I’d imagine for imaginable upper end. Great reviews, 5 star, should be grand!
But who needs dreams when you can have nightmares about —
Option 3: THE HORRIFYING ~$25 USD
This is the absolute worst thing I could find based on reveiws: Chang Club Hotel,179/7 Soi San Sabai, Patong, Kathu, Phuket 83150, Thailand
Check out this review snippet from its tripadvisor.com listing:
“Well I think I can quite honestly say this is the worst most disgusting hell hole I have ever stopped in.. Reception staff were rude and aggressive.. Was like walkiing into a brothal, lots of working girls in the lobby which is also a pool hall, the smell is overwhelming and the place is filthy.. Got to our room to find a cockroach on the floor and blood stains on bed sheets”
Yes, this one is perfect.
Option 4: YOUR WILD CARD PICK
Or if these don’t tickle you, feel free to nominate your own. Just like with the others, if it gets the most votes, that’s where I’ll go!
Details and stipulations:
- If your choice does not win the vote, I am considering your money dollars to be a generous Christmas gift. Thank you, you are intelligent and sexy and I love you. Plus, your ass looks great in those jeans.
- There need to be enough votes for a winning option to cover the cost of the option. For example, if Ritzy, Glitzy, Touristy by some amazing miracle wins over the other options, but falls short of the cost — say I only get $10 worth of votes– then, shit, that’s not happening.. I’m unemployed, and see Detail #1. Remember, prices will probably go up as we get closer to the check-in date.
- If at any time I seriously fear for my safety, I’m choosing somewhere else. I’m talking murder/beating/rape/incurable disease potential, not anything like, “oh but they didn’t iron my sheets”.
HOW TO VOTE:
Step 1: Send me a PayPal gift with a note about what option your money dollars are voting for. Each dollar of your gift will count as a separate vote for that option. Send it to this email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
And please note the 2 M’s in the middle of my name! Maybe copy and paste that shit to be sure.
Step 2: Afterwards, show the world what you voted for so we have a nice, updated score sheet while I’m wandering the sea without access to internets. Form below.
Step 3: Round about December 15th, check in to see which place won! I’ll stop the vote by then (depending on when I’m able to find internet access) and book a room.